I have written a lot of blogs. I have read even more of them. Blogs have sort of been my life for six months or so. Yet today is the first day that I have ever blogged as myself. It is strange to be this honest on the internet. I know some people see blogs as a safe place to tell the truth, but all I've ever done here is lie. On the internet, you can be anyone and others will trust you as long as you're convincing enough. I've been told I'm very convincing.
I'm Poe. That's not an internet handle. That's the closest thing I have to a name nowadays. Sometimes I think it's a bit of a silly name, but it's one of the few things that are mine. We're not supposed to have real blogs. Trackers, I mean. We're supposed to be the people working behind the scenes, making sure things go according to plan without anyone else realizing our existence.
But sometimes things go wrong. That's why I am breaking this one rule. I had a partner. His name was Caper, and he died a couple days ago. I held his hand as he did. Now, I'm a little lost. He had done so much for me. Now he's gone there is just this void where he used to be that keeps on sucking up every positive emotion I have.
The point of all this is that I need somewhere to hold on to what identity I have left, to vent my feelings out somewhere, and to leave behind something when I'm gone. I don't want to die. But I can't continue deluding myself any further. None of us are safe.
I'm giving the account information to Caper's friend The Messenger so that when I die, he will report it. Why that matters so much to me I'm not quite sure. However, it's enough of a desire that I am willing to take this tremendous risk of posting about myself.
I just realized that this post doesn't really make any sense if you don't know me or what I'm going through or who I work for. I'm really sorry for that. And I'll try to explain things later on. But my partner just died. I believe that gives me a little justification to rambling on like I am. I don't know if many people will find this blog. Or if they'll care if they do. But leaving anything behind gives me a bit of comfort somehow. So it's what I'm going to do.