Saturday, July 2, 2011


I have written a lot of blogs. I have read even more of them. Blogs have sort of been my life for six months or so. Yet today is the first day that I have ever blogged as myself. It is strange to be this honest on the internet. I know some people see blogs as a safe place to tell the truth, but all I've ever done here is lie. On the internet, you can be anyone and others will trust you as long as you're convincing enough. I've been told I'm very convincing.

I'm Poe. That's not an internet handle. That's the closest thing I have to a name nowadays. Sometimes I think it's a bit of a silly name, but it's one of the few things that are mine. We're not supposed to have real blogs. Trackers, I mean. We're supposed to be the people working behind the scenes, making sure things go according to plan without anyone else realizing our existence.

But sometimes things go wrong. That's why I am breaking this one rule. I had a partner. His name was Caper, and he died a couple days ago. I held his hand as he did. Now, I'm a little lost. He had done so much for me. Now he's gone there is just this void where he used to be that keeps on sucking up every positive emotion I have.

The point of all this is that I need somewhere to hold on to what identity I have left, to vent my feelings out somewhere, and to leave behind something when I'm gone. I don't want to die. But I can't continue deluding myself any further. None of us are safe.

I'm giving the account information to Caper's friend The Messenger so that when I die, he will report it. Why that matters so much to me I'm not quite sure. However, it's enough of a desire that I am willing to take this tremendous risk of posting about myself.

I just realized that this post doesn't really make any sense if you don't know me or what I'm going through or who I work for. I'm really sorry for that. And I'll try to explain things later on. But my partner just died. I believe that gives me a little justification to rambling on like I am. I don't know if many people will find this blog. Or if they'll care if they do. But leaving anything behind gives me a bit of comfort somehow. So it's what I'm going to do.


  1. Haha. You're a good kid, Poe. Wish we all had it better than we did, but hey, what can you do? You get... used to it, at least in a line of business like it.

    Afraid of leaving nothing behind? Little lady, you remind me of-

    I doubt you want to listen to an old(?) man ramble. In the meantime, I'm keeping an eye on this, if you don't mind.

  2. I'm sorry. Losing people you care about sucks. Elaine and I have been following you two on the Messenger's blog. Just wanted to... I dunno, express our condolences?
    Anyway, have you given any thought to what you'll do now?

  3. I'm not sure what you're asking. Why did I start a blog? Because we're not safe, Messi. I started thinking for a bit that we were, but we're not. One small mistake and, well, you know who will come. I just want something left of me when he does.

    Thank you to everybody else. I really appreciate it. I'm not sure about what I'll do now. I was thinking about making Caper a eulogy. He deserves one, and I feel like the most qualified. That's kind of sad, actually.

  4. I look forward to reading what little honesty you've shown.