Tuesday, August 30, 2011

posting again

I haven't been writing my own blog for a while. I've had others to take care of, and some fieldwork, and a couple other things that I don't really want to talk about. Or can talk about. I'm breaking a lot of rules right now, but there are some things that I can't go against.

Strange. I think I just heard a bell ring.

Screwtape's been a big help with the blogs, though he's always watching for me to mess up somehow. He's certain that eventually this will happen. I think he doesn't trust me. Trackers shouldn't blog. I don't think I can be who I'm supposed to be though. I try, but It's hard to figure out a careful balance.

Ringing again. I don't know where it's coming from.

Screwtape does do his job well though, despite the fact that he hates me. I guess anyone who reads the Messenger's blog knows why now.

You see, I used to be a runner.

A lot of things happened, and I'm not anymore. Screwtape is a very interesting guy. Having to work with him has shown me that. He's of the type that believes that, well you know who, is a god of some sort. Back when I lived with him I actually saw him pray. One of Screwtape's beliefs is that... well, that you know who will take care of people like me. That we all deserve to be husks. It's difficult to work here sometimes. Messi is the only one who really seems to even like me. It's hard without Caper.

And on top of Screwtape, my past is coming back all of a sudden. After Messi put up the interview, a guy named Donovan commented, telling us that he had talked about Annabel in a post shortly before the interview. He accused Messi of using this as some sort of mind game.

It isn't. It's me Don. I'm sorry.

I was tracking him, trying to keep him safe by saying that he'd lead us to more runners. I don't know why. I thought he had left me at the hotel. He says he didn't, but that's what I thought. I wanted to help him anyway. He was nice, and he told me about M's rules not working. I felt like I owed him something.

Except then he said he was going to be more careful about what he put up about other runners. Then he talked about me. Screwtape wants to go after him now.

I'm so sorry Don.


  1. It's hard for Runners not to talk about the others. The Compulsion can nearly drive someone insane if you don't give in.

  2. I'm sorry, Poe. I know this isn't easy for you, and I've seen how you've been lately. Personally, I think that Screwtape can shove it. Just give up on Donovan and hand him off to some other tracker who doesn't have that emotional attachment. I mean, he's not going to agree to the prior arrangement anymore, but he can at least make it someone else's responsibility. Honestly, he should what this is doing to you. If he knew how hard it was on you, how impossible it is for you to do this, he'd make sure it wasn't your responsibility anymore.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

  3. Messenger, it would be best if you realize that it is, in fact, her responsibility, and that it needs to stay that way for a reason. If we all ivoided Father's will whenever it was convenient for us, where would we be? This is something she and I were tasked to do. This is something that we consequently must do.

    That said, I feel, Raven, like you are avoiding this anyway. That you think that if you move at an unnoticeable pace and continue to claim that you've made progress, that I won't notice. Do not let your past memories get in your way.

    Then again, I suppose I should be understanding. After all, you're not used to having your past memories get in the way, are you, Raven?

  4. What's wrong, Raven? For a project that breaks our rules so blatantly, you don't seem to be utilizing it very well. You've got plenty to write. Why not share with them your past as one of Father's dolls? Your secret is out, so why continue to hide it? Are you perhaps lying to yourself, as if pretending it never happened can erase the past?

    And what of your budding relationship with The Messenger? The masses seem simply enthralled to hear about that. Why the silence? Is it because you don't want him to sincere your feelings truly are? Or how insincere, perhaps? Or maybe, you just don't want him to know that he's nothing more than a replacement for your last quisling of a partner.

    Speaking of which, I notice you're reluctant to share that particular truth as well.

  5. I want to shoot every single one of you.

  6. Condolences are never enough, but you have them from me nonetheless.

    I'm so, so sorry.