Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I remember

I remember that my parents were named Peter and Lydia. They were both english majors. There was a lake, I think. A place where my father went fishing.  Clear blue water. Calm. I used to sit there, by the lake.

I remember liking turkey. It was something I didn't remember until Donovon came back. He mentioned how I ordered a turkey sandwhich. Funny how he knew that. But now I do. Turkey.

My last name is Johnson.

I loved The Dark Is Rising series by Susan Cooper. I liked my hair short, and had these old worn out khaki pants that I loved to death.

I remember looking at a boy, and he told me that I was amazing. I didn't believe him, and told him so. He laughed at me and quoted something. A book I think.

No, that was Poe. I don't want to remember Poe. She was a monster. She killed her coworker.

Like Caper did.

I was much more like him then I thought.

Poe was, I mean.

I liked anime. Not as much as now. I can't whistle. When I was in third grade I outwitted my terrible principle and befriended a kindly teacher.

No, that last part isn't right. Actually I think it's from Matilda.

The point is, I remember.

I remember so many things.

It's just hard not to remember Caper, how he was always kind to me though he covered it as a joke, how Eddie came every other day for a month after I became Poe, to make sure I was all right.  When I found my first runner and Caper called me a genius. When Caper died. That raven's neck breaking.  Caper's first Christmas present to me. Screwtape's abuse. Being with Messi. Screwtape laughing, getting his way even in death.

I can't. That isn't me. It's not me anymore.

I am Annabel.


  1. If you're Annabel, why is your username still Poe?

    1. I don't know.

      I should change it.

      Shouldn't I?

    2. I think that would make sense, but it's up to you.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. Shit, son, why are you jacking my comment thread? I don't even know why I'm offended by this, but I am. It's possibly the lack of necessity for the action that's bugging me more than anything.

    5. What made you think I was happy?

      I mean, there were good times. Some happy moments.Not all the time, though. Not even often.

      I hurt people. I even enjoyed it, towards the end. I wanted to see him suffer.I can't live like that. I can't be be Poe. I won't let him turn me into that.

    6. Are you sure you weren't already "that" person? Changing yourself to avoid Screwtape's influence is just making him win that much more.

      You can't run from who you are. Changing your name doesn't change what's happened, and both sets of memories are going to continue to haunt you. I don't want to see you hurting yourself trying to do the "right" thing.

  2. But what if Donovan misremembered and it wasn't turkey after all? Everything I've read about memory suggests it's nowhere near as reliable as we like to think, and a lot of things we think we remember aren't quite true. Then there are those studies where they managed to convince people that, say, they got lost in a mall when they were younger. They got people to remember that, even though it never happened.

  3. Guys, please. She doesn't need more confusion right now. You don't need to mess with her recovery process.

    You're doing great, Annabel. Don't worry about what they're saying.

    -Don't Shoot The Messenger-

    1. You're biased, and you're a hypocrite. You didn't have any problem telling Donovan he should "get over" Annabel, that she was "gone" and wasn't coming back. Now you're encouraging the process. Jesus christ on crutches, just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean that everything should change!