A slightly better introduction

I am currently trying to explain who I am to those who don't know already. I'm finding it to be rather difficult. I have always had issues trying to figure out where to begin. I should start at the beginning of course, but I have trouble figuring out exactly where that is. So I babble and rant and ultimately don't make anything clear. I'm going to try to introduce myself again, hopefully with better results.

My name is Poe, I work for a monster.

Why I work for him is a long complicated matter that I don't really want to get into right now, but for the past six months I have been reading the blogs of his victims and pinpointing their location. It's interesting work, and I feel terrible that sometimes I enjoy it. I do not like who I work for, but that is sort of irrelevant. I work for him anyway.

My boss is called The Slender Man. I feel nervous about saying his name, so please forgive me if I never say it again. He scares me, and the farther I put him from my mind the happier I am.

I like classic literature and anime. I am not really a fan of shonen, and really like shows with good character development and dark themes. I used to watch Yu-Gi-Oh when I was younger, though I am sort of embarrassed about that. The abridged series was pretty good. I can't watch it anymore though. It's sort of funny what brings back unpleasant experiences.

I've mentioned my partner Caper a few times. He was the closest thing I had to a friend here. He helped me through a very tough time. We lived together. He was also incredibly easy to work with. He saved a child from, well you know who, and he personally showed up to kill him. I watched the whole thing.

I feel overwhelmed as well as lost and broken. I have had to take over all of his blogs, and I can't split the field work between two people. As much as I feel like I'm betraying Caper, I asked Jacob to give me another partner. I'd like to think that he'd understand, and that he knows how I felt about him. But it still feels wrong.

I had a dream about him the other day. He told me that I needed to live without him now, and that I was strong enough to do it. Then before he left, he leaned over and whispered his real name.

I wish I could remember it.

Introduction

I have written a lot of blogs. I have read even more of them. Blogs have sort of been my life for six months or so. Yet today is the first day that I have ever blogged as myself. It is strange to be this honest on the internet. I know some people see blogs as a safe place to tell the truth, but all I've ever done here is lie. On the internet, you can be anyone and others will trust you as long as you're convincing enough. I've been told I'm very convincing.

I'm Poe. That's not an internet handle. That's the closest thing I have to a name nowadays. Sometimes I think it's a bit of a silly name, but it's one of the few things that are mine. We're not supposed to have real blogs. Trackers, I mean. We're supposed to be the people working behind the scenes, making sure things go according to plan without anyone else realizing our existence.

But sometimes things go wrong. That's why I am breaking this one rule. I had a partner. His name was Caper, and he died a couple days ago. I held his hand as he did. Now, I'm a little lost. He had done so much for me. Now he's gone there is just this void where he used to be that keeps on sucking up every positive emotion I have.

The point of all this is that I need somewhere to hold on to what identity I have left, to vent my feelings out somewhere, and to leave behind something when I'm gone. I don't want to die. But I can't continue deluding myself any further. None of us are safe.

I'm giving the account information to Caper's friend The Messenger so that when I die, he will report it. Why that matters so much to me I'm not quite sure. However, it's enough of a desire that I am willing to take this tremendous risk of posting about myself.

I just realized that this post doesn't really make any sense if you don't know me or what I'm going through or who I work for. I'm really sorry for that. And I'll try to explain things later on. But my partner just died. I believe that gives me a little justification to rambling on like I am. I don't know if many people will find this blog. Or if they'll care if they do. But leaving anything behind gives me a bit of comfort somehow. So it's what I'm going to do.